Breathe.

If nothing else.

Let me die before I wake up.






Even if this is just an illusion.
I hope my eyes never re-focus.

Nightmares.

I've been having the same dream for the past few months.
It gets worse every time I do.

We stand. Looking each other in the eyes. I can see every detail of your perfect face. I can see the way your eyes used to sparkle when you looked at me. As though I was the only thing you could see. I see the way your hair flows like a beautiful river of color across your shoulders, masking only slightly the sides of your face. I can see the slight smile and the way your eyes tilt down when you are about to cry your eyes out because you're so happy.

I see you.

And you see me.

You speak first.
You tell me of how you've thought of me everyday. How you've missed me. How you've waited for the chance to be with me again. How I'm still everything to you.

I speak second.
With nothing to say. You've taken the words out of my mouth. Like a perfect string of sentences you unfold my deepest thoughts and speak words I thought I would have to die with. The relief is indescribable.

I hold you.
You grip tight.
We both pour out any possible emotions that could have been pent up in our chests through tears. The most painful tears that flow free between us like this reunion is the only thing we've ever wanted out of life.

At this point. I don't care what comes from this moment. I don't care if I die at that very second. It would make no difference if I fell off the face of the planet. If my very existence were to stop.
If everything I had done in my life were completely invalidated and canceled out. I would make that choice in a second if it meant that moment between us could continue.

I feel something. Something terrible. We are standing sideways. As though someone took the floor beneath us and turned us horizontal. We stand together still, in each others arms. If nothing else, we hold tighter than before. Screaming at this point our love. Promising our very soul.

And that's when I woke up the first time.

To feel such a thing and to wake up in a cold, dark, empty room.
Once was torture. The number of times I've woken in a cold sweat. Tears in my eyes.
I have lost count.


They've gotten worse.


I can talk to you. I know what's going to happen when we turn.
I beg you.
"Please, I know you aren't real. I know this isn't happening. I know this won't happen. Please, Bird, even if I have to die... let me stay here with you."
I plead. Like I never have before. I'm frantic. I couldn't hold tighter if I wanted.
You apologize. Like you always do.
"Please, Bear. Don't let go. I'm sorry. I know I can't stay. I still think about you everyday. Please don't disappear again. Please don't fade."
You say things to me that only you could say... You make me wonder... are you having this dream too? Are you in my head still? Do you really say these things? You beg as frantic as I do.
Like you didn't hear a word I said.


Each time I can say a little more. Each time I can beg for this to be real. I can wish for death to take me so I can stay.

And each time... I'm a little more confident that it's really you there.

If nothing else.

Tonight.

Let me wake up with you.
If I could hold tight enough to pull you from that dream world.


If nothing else.

Tell me it's you.

Chameleon Boy

I pride myself on the way I change to fit my environment.

I'm a story teller.

I can. And I will. Make you feel whatever I would like.

I can.

I can.

I can.

With anyone.

Except you.









I've never had to change my colors for you.
I didn't have to.
You could spot me every time.

But after a while...

I still ran.

Oh, God.

What did I do?





Where did I chase you to?


My only desires.
Please be happy.





Please come back.

I used to think that I would do anything to keep from losing you.

That's when I realized something.

I was done before you were.

Between the Bars.

I've always felt that

Some of my best friends are dead writers

And the vocalists of bands that aren't together anymore.

I wanted you to be what I could never be.

And I wanted to be the one to do that for you.

All I wanted was for you to be happy.

Now I just want you the fuck out of my head.